Cheryl Cole boosts Twitter literacy level

TWITTER is now 14 percent cleverer after the addition of Cheryl Cole.

Excellent shoe advice

Her first tweet, about how uncomfortable shoes are if you put them on back to front, has been judged the most insightful nugget since Peaches Geldof’s epic ‘OMFG’ in March last year.

Roy Hobbs, professor of tweeting at Roehampton University, said: “At the moment her observations are intellectually neutral, which for Twitter is the equivalent of the ceiling of the Sistine Chapel.

“Therefore, if Twitter can be likened to a roomful of chimps with intestinal worms – and it can – Cheryl has thus far resisted the urge to fling the infected faeces of her ‘opinions’ at the window of the world.

“When literary historians of the 23rd century are picking through the website with a pair of tweezers, she’ll be viewed as the heir to Oscar Wilde compared to Jedward’s dung-on-the-wall-of-Bedlam entries.”

Cole had managed to amass 223,000 followers before actually having said anything, a figure expected to double once she begins to weigh in on why she prefers Rice Krispies to Coco Pops.

Wayne Hayes, who follows 1,659 celebrities on Twitter and has recently given up his job so he can retweet every message they send with the ‘word’ ‘Lol’ added, said: “Cheryl’s going to give the place a touch of class.

“Like a little bowl of mints on the nightstand of a crack-whore’s bedroom.”

He added: “Her profile contains just  three grammatical errors across its 19 words, is making me feel marginally cleverer after having trawled through Louie Spence’s timeline, which is like a hysterical  budgie pecking at a keyboard made of Trill.”