Cycle Of Britney Begins Again
POP sensation Britney Spears will soon begin a fresh descent into chaos and substance abuse as experts confirmed her celebrity cycle had completed its first full revolution.
Spears, the undisputed star of the MTV video awards, is expected to enjoy at least three weeks of press coverage hailing her spectacular comeback before locking herself in her Beverly Hills mansion with a big box of glue.
Bill McKay, an entertainment analyst, said: "The first turn of the Britney wheel has been an absolute joy. I think everyone was charmed by the sheer hillbilly ghastliness of it all."
McKay, who has already plotted the Spears celebrity cycle for the next 12 months, added: "We can now look forward to sitting through the whole thing all over again. Except with some different songs."
The Britney Spears Celebrity Cycle 2008-09:
October 2008: Caught on security camera licking glue off Sellotape.
November 2008: Admitted to the San Jose Institute for Glue Lickers.
December 2008: Escapes and drives backwards along the Santa Monica freeway for 350 miles.
January 2009: Marries actress Lindsay Lohan, in Hawaii, on horseback.
February 2009: Spears devastated as Lohan begins affair with horse.
March 2009: Lohan files for divorce. Marries horse later that day.
April 2009: Judge denies Spears custody of all future children.
May 2009: Spears now licking glue from stamps and has Prit-Stick lodged permanently in left nostril.
June 2009: Gives birth to 9lb baby boy. Names him 'Prit' before he is handed over to gypsy folk.
July 2009: Backing dancers refuse to perform with her at MTV Europe Awards due to constant, eye-watering flatulence.
August 2009: Admitted to the Santa Barbara Institute for Constant, Eye-Watering Flatulence.
September 2009: Makes triumphant return at MTV video awards with gutsy, half-naked rendition of Iron Maiden's Bring Your Daughter to the Slaughter.
October 2009: Caught on security camera licking Febreze off curtains.