Cycle Of Britney Begins Again
POP sensation Britney Spears will soon begin a fresh descent into chaos and substance abuse as experts confirmed her celebrity cycle had completed its first full revolution.
Bill McKay, an entertainment analyst, said: "The first turn of the Britney wheel has been an absolute joy. I think everyone was charmed by the sheer hillbilly ghastliness of it all."
McKay, who has already plotted the Spears celebrity cycle for the next 12 months, added: "We can now look forward to sitting through the whole thing all over again. Except with some different songs."
The Britney Spears Celebrity Cycle 2008-09:
October 2008: Caught on security camera licking glue off Sellotape.
November 2008: Admitted to the San Jose Institute for Glue Lickers.
December 2008: Escapes and drives backwards along the Santa Monica freeway for 350 miles.
January 2009: Marries actress Lindsay Lohan, in Hawaii, on horseback.
February 2009: Spears devastated as Lohan begins affair with horse.
March 2009: Lohan files for divorce. Marries horse later that day.
April 2009: Judge denies Spears custody of all future children.
May 2009: Spears now licking glue from stamps and has Prit-Stick lodged permanently in left nostril.
June 2009: Gives birth to 9lb baby boy. Names him 'Prit' before he is handed over to gypsy folk.
July 2009: Backing dancers refuse to perform with her at MTV Europe Awards due to constant, eye-watering flatulence.
August 2009: Admitted to the Santa Barbara Institute for Constant, Eye-Watering Flatulence.
September 2009: Makes triumphant return at MTV video awards with gutsy, half-naked rendition of Iron Maiden's Bring Your Daughter to the Slaughter.
October 2009: Caught on security camera licking Febreze off curtains.
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