GQ awards to trigger violent revolution
BRITAIN may finally be stirred into the violent overthrow of its financial and political systems after seeing photographs from last night’s GQ Men of the Year awards.
Ladies and gentlemen, we proudly present our new George Osborne photograph
Earlier in the day, chancellor George Osborne warned of even tougher economic times ahead, raising the possibility of higher unemployment and increasing poverty before accepting GQ’s Politician of the Year Award at a glittering ceremony in London full of millionaires telling each other how marvellous they are.
This morning, as the people who pay the wages of the GQ award winners stared at photographs of wretched, dead-eyed celebrities posing in silky black tuxedos and thousand pound dresses, the phrase ‘fuck this shit’ erupted from millions of homes across the country.
Experts stressed that most people who have seen the photographs will now spend the next two or three days weighing-up their options before deciding whether or not to embark on the blood-soaked reordering of British society.
Professor Henry Brubaker, of the Institute for Studies, said: “While it’s important to remember that Russia’s communist revolution ultimately failed, it’s equally important to remember why it happened in the first place. Especially if you’re rich and you want to hang on to your delicately scented balls.
“So maybe, right, when millions of hard working people are skint it might be an idea not to ram the fact that you get paid a million quid for the utterly fucking meaningless thing you do so far down their throat that it comes out of their arse.
“I thinks it’s safe to say that this particular period of human history has now reached the ‘playing with fire’ stage.”
He added: “Oh, and by the way, George Osborne accepting a politician of the year award from a magazine that is filled with adverts for things you can’t afford is incredibly impressive politics.”
Meanwhile, as the GQ award winners enjoyed self-satisfied breakfasts in their five-star hotel rooms, it emerged that ‘fashion designer’ Petra Ecclestone has bought a second £60m house so that her dogs have enough room to turn round.
Historian, Denys Finch-Hatton, said: “I think we may have found our Czar Nicholas II.”
Stop press: Here’s an actual tweet from Ollie Franklin, some fucker who works for GQ…
“I particularly admired Benedict Cumberbatch this evening for chatting so long with the remarkable servicemen from Help For Heroes.”
