KIM Kardashian would like to draw your attention to her breasts, it was confirmed last night
Kardashian, whose skills include having a first and second name and a pair of breasts, was becoming increasingly concerned that you might not yet have noticed them yet.
She added: “Look at these things. They’re my tits, and they’re awesome.”
As debate continues over whether Kardashian is a person, a product or an undefinable thing, sources said the tits could soon jiggle about.
A friend said: “It’s too early to confirm anything just yet, but yes, it could happen. Similarly, we are not going to rule out bouncing, wobbling or shaking. However they definitely won’t be juddering, hovering or bobbling.”
Meanwhile experts stressed that while there is at least a 40% chance you have never heard of Kardashian she has recently made a sex tape with some sort of rapper, which you will Google shortly after reading this even though the thought of doing so makes you hate yourself.
Angry Guardian reader Tom Logan said: “Kim Kardashian is the very epitome of the modern media monoculture – vacuous, materialistic, a perpetuation of tawdry misogynist stereotypes. I steadfastly refuse to look at her big, full chests.
“If however someone – let’s say a well-respected Guardian columnist for instance – was to point out the post-modern irony of the chests and their role in redefining the nature of celebrity, then that would be an entirely different matter…”
