Hear'Say Reform As Vigilante Group

26-01-10

FORMER pop sensations Hear'say have reunited to dish out brutal street-style justice to Britain's hardest thugs.

'If you're looking for someone to ram your nuts in a vice, you've come to the right place'

Myleene, Suzanne, Noel, Kym and Danny have been praised by terrorised communities for taking out gang leaders using a combination of advanced combat skills, torture and a no-bullshit attitude, despite drawing criticism from police.

The group reformed after some punks brutally jumped into Myleene's garden, damaging her clematis.

Noel said: "As soon as I heard what'd happened to Myleene I cancelled my run as Buttons in Weston-Super-Mare and rushed to her aid.

"The others were already there, standing in the kitchen looking really cross. Myleene was visibly upset and I was like, 'Fuck this. We don't have to take this shit any more'."

He added: "The others agreed that the best thing was to become a mercenary force for good, working outside the law to tackle villains the only way you can – with unbridled violence. Danny was especially keen as he didn't really have anything else on at the time."

Each member of the group has developed a distinctive weapon or fighting skill: Myleene uses shuriken stars dipped in tree frog venom; Noel has had a hand amputated and replaced with a gatling gun; Suzanne has jagged metal teeth while Kym and Danny carry a chainsaw and flamethrower respectively.

Hear'Say claim to have already killed 46 thugs and hoodlums around the Surbiton area, and are planning a 'Clean Up The Streets' 28-date vigilante tour which promises to leave a trail of dead criminals in its wake.

Superintendent  Tom Logan said: "Just because they enjoyed brief chart success with Pure and Simple and Myleene has a smashing pair of charlies, it doesn't give them the right to disembowel drug pushers and leave their mutilated corpses dangling from lamp posts as a gruesome warning to other would-be miscreants.

"And that goes for any defunct pop combos thinking of taking the law into their own hands, especially following Liberty X's failed attempt to single-handedly dismantle the Triads."

 

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