Kaplinsky To Simulate Fellatio On Five News

12-02-08

NATASHA Kaplinsky will start each bulletin by staring straight into the camera and slowly sucking on her pencil as the new £1 million-a-year face of Five News. 

A serious journalist with serious cleavage

Station bosses have asked the newsreader to end each item by flicking her tongue around her lips, arching her back, and then cupping her breasts in her hands and moving them alternately up and down.

Kaplinsky said: "I was not sure at the outset it was such a good idea, and I am really not interested in the £1 million, but in the end I thought I would just do it anyway."

The glamorous newsreader will present the bulletin in nipple tassles from inside a giant champagne glass, or with her legs astride a chair while wearing just a diamante thong.

She said: "I really prefer a more formal style and I am not at all interested in the £1 million but when they asked me I thought it was probably best not to make a fuss."

The former BBC anchor also revealed she was uneasy when she learned Five bosses wanted to rename the bulletin Five News with Natasha Kaplinsky – Imagine Your Cock in Her Mouth.

"It was not my idea and I do feel a bit nervous about it. Nor am I really that bothered about the £1 million, but in the end I felt I should be professional about it," she added.

Kaplinsky will deliver upbeat items by shouting them out as she is fired across the studio from a canon while wearing a Wonder Woman suit.

If she has to deliver sad news involving dead children or injured pets, two researchers will stand either side of her and gently pull down the corners of her mouth.

She said: "Do you want to rub my knockers? It's £50, or £75 if I take my top off."

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