Lethal Injection For Man Who Gave £350k To Jordan

11-11-09

AS the Washington Sniper received his lethal injection last night, campaigners in Britain asked if there was any left for whoever gave Jordan £350,000 to do I’m a Celebrity Get Me Out of Here.

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ITV sources said Jordan’s fee for being worthless and dreadful was five times more than that being offered to other contestants including Sam Fox, Colin and Justin, and WAGs Camilla Dellarup, Lizzie Cundy and doesn’t it all just make you want to bring back hanging?

Julian Cook, an Amnesty International member from Hatfield, said: “I am opposed to the death penalty for murder, rape, treason and even genocide, but I draw the line when it comes to giving money to Jordan.

“So that includes anyone who buys OK! magazine, anyone who has watched any programme she has ever appeared on, and anyone who has bought one of the nauseatingly cretinous books she didn’t even have the talent to write by herself.

“And of course it also includes the person at ITV who thinks that paying three hundred and fifty grand to this tawdry sack of shit is better than giving it to Oxfam, or for that matter just throwing it into a furnace.”

Margaret Gerving, a retired headmistress and lay preacher from Surrey, said: “Modern Christianity rejects the old Testament dogma of an ‘eye for an eye’, promotes forgiveness and insists that the final judgement rests only with God.

“But I am quite sure that Jesus would have angrily demanded that anyone who gives money to Jordan be thrown into a pit full of demented, half-starved crocodiles before machine-gunning any of the bits that weren’t eaten.

“And yes, I’ve no doubt we’ll see news stories over the next few days about how people are just so appalled at Jordan’s fees, but they’ll watch it. They’ll all fucking watch it.”

Mrs Gerving added: “Fuck Britain. Fuck it right in the eye.”

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