Mcelderry Releases Debut Admission Of Homosexuality

02-08-10

X FACTOR winner Joe McElderry’s eagerly-anticipated first admission of gayness is to be released this week.

Currently gay

Joe’s coming out will be available in press release and internet posting formats, entitled I Finally Realise Why I’ve Always Liked The Stage And Quality Furnishings, and reveals the singer’s first glimmerings of self-realisation while watching Hunter on Gladiators during his boyhood teatimes and becoming too distracted to finish his fish fingers.

It is understood that Simon Cowell plans for the singer to subsequently go back into the closet and come back out again on a bi-monthly basis.

An industry insider said: “Mostly these young guys have one big outing, after which interest wanes and they start the downward spiral toward being trapped in a gunge tank with Dean Gaffney on Saturday morning telly.

“This new ‘multi-outings’ business model could extend Joe’s career to as much as two months.”

Since winning the ITV talent show, Joe has been working 16-hour days on his first ‘outing’ with gayness producer Stephen Malley, who also worked on Will Young’s recording-breaking sexual classification.

Malley said: “It has to be gay enough to generate headlines, but not so gay that it alienates the core fanbase of grannies, pre-pubescent girls and people who breathe through their mouths.

“We believe this is a coming out which is accessible and unambiguous but without generating explicit mental images of two men going at each other like horses. I probably shouldn’t have said that.”

McElderry fan 13-year-old Emma Bradford said: “It’s brilliant and I am definitely going to buy the accompanying CD and book. Joe’s coming out makes him seem real and human to me in the same way that vampires do.”

 

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