Celebrity

Queen wants ‘no fuss’ in case people realise what a massive blag it all is

THE Queen wants her jubilee celebrations kept low-key in case people realise the royal thing is a huge scam.

Queen can kill a man with one finger

THE Queen is a lethal human weapon trained by Shaolin monks, it has been confirmed.

Samantha Cameron named best-dressed woman by women who dress like that

SAMANTHA Cameron has been placed at the top of Vanity Fair's Best-Dressed list by women uncomfortable in everything.

Richard Littlejohn in S & M relationship with binmen

DAILY Mail columnist Richard Littlejohn is in a sadomasochistic master-slave relationship with his binmen, he has admitted.

Woman marries Ant and Dec

A WOMAN unknowingly married Ant and Dec in a polygamous wedding ceremony in Newcastle.

Kate’s scuba certificate part of elaborate escape plan

THE Duchess of Cambridge is planning a daring escape from the Royal Family involving a faked shark attack and a mini submarine.

Clarkson forced to deliver books and DVDs

JEREMY Clarkson’s new Amazon contract includes an obligation to deliver 300 parcels a month.

Resolution of Minaj-Swift crisis beamed to Keplar 452b

EARTH-like planet Keplar 452b is being urgently beamed news that the feud between Nicki Minaj and Taylor Swift has been settled.