Celebrity

Jesus's 'wife' was massive pain in the arse

ACCORDING to a fourth century papyrus Jesus had a wife that he absolutely despised.

Wills and Kate 'want to have two children and steal hundreds more'

PRINCE William wants to have two children with his wife while commandeering hundreds more to work as slaves in his palace.

Russell Brand admits sex with Chris Evans

RUSSELL Brand realised he was addicted to celebrity sex after a passionate one-night stand with Chris Evans, it has emerged.

Harry’s arse 'a mirror to the soul'

PRINCE Harry’s naked buttocks are a blank screen onto which Britain will project its hopes and dreams, it has been confirmed.

Angelina Jolie to marry Justin Theroux

SCREEN siren Angelina Jolie is engaged to the actor/screenwriter Justin Theroux, her spokesman has announced.

Holmes embraces conventional lunacy

KATIE Holmes has left the world of Scientology for a more normal type of bullshit by experimenting with Catholicism.

Pre-nup gives Cruise sole custody of Thetans

THE pre-nuptial agreement between Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes guarantees the Mission Impossible actor sole custody of his wife's Operating Thetan.

Men confused by Depp

THE break-up of Johnny Depp and Vanessa Paradis has left heterosexual men unsure which one they like most.