Celebrity

Enjoy it while you can, Conchita warns Farage

EUROVISION winner Conchita has advised Nigel Farage to make the most of his fleeting moment of glory.

Osborne's cat is a cat whore

THE Chancellor of the Exchequer's cat has been charged with soliciting after being found in a red light district.

Jordan very sad

JORDAN is sad now because she got married to a man but he is a bad man.

Kim and Kanye to hold Caligula-themed wedding

THE wedding of Kim Kardashian and Kanye West, to be held in Italy tomorrow, will be themed after the cruelties of Rome’s most depraved Emperor.

Queen to live as a horse

THE Queen has formally announced that she will spend her retirement living in stables as a horse.

Harry and Cressida split after she stumbles across ‘The Room’

PRINCE Harry has split from girlfriend Cressida Bonas after she accidentally entered the special room at Kensington Palace.

Catholic church accused of saint-fixing

NON-CATHOLICS have called for an investigation after they were once again passed over for sainthood.

Chris Packham flees Malta on back of giant eagle

TELEVISION naturalist Chris Packham has escaped Maltese police custody with the help of birds.