Celebrity

Queen's mind still very active for 86

THE QUEEN still does cryptic crosswords and has the active mind of a woman 20 years younger, it has been confirmed.

Third Middleton sister to have controversial vagina

FOLLOWING the success of Kate's breasts and Pippa's arse, plans are underway to launch a third Middleton sister who will have a 'controversial vagina'.

Jesus's 'wife' was massive pain in the arse

ACCORDING to a fourth century papyrus Jesus had a wife that he absolutely despised.

Wills and Kate 'want to have two children and steal hundreds more'

PRINCE William wants to have two children with his wife while commandeering hundreds more to work as slaves in his palace.

Russell Brand admits sex with Chris Evans

RUSSELL Brand realised he was addicted to celebrity sex after a passionate one-night stand with Chris Evans, it has emerged.

Harry’s arse 'a mirror to the soul'

PRINCE Harry’s naked buttocks are a blank screen onto which Britain will project its hopes and dreams, it has been confirmed.

Angelina Jolie to marry Justin Theroux

SCREEN siren Angelina Jolie is engaged to the actor/screenwriter Justin Theroux, her spokesman has announced.

Holmes embraces conventional lunacy

KATIE Holmes has left the world of Scientology for a more normal type of bullshit by experimenting with Catholicism.