STEPHEN Hawking has made millions by using quantum theory in gambling, he has revealed.
PEOPLE have been left feeling vaguely unsatisfied following the death of a stark raving madman.
CRUFTS winner Ricky the poodle has said he just likes to do normal disgusting dog stuff.
WORLD leaders have set aside their differences to focus on the well-being of Alec Baldwin.
PIERS Morgan will continue his glittering career by sitting in his shed, interviewing volleyballs with faces painted on them
SURFING experts have condemned Beyoncé's technique of grinding her crotch against her surfboard.
THE Duchess of Cambridge has borrowed a diamond necklace from the Queen to have it priced up at the pawnbrokers.
BRITONS are concerned they have woken up in an alternate dimension after seeing crowds cheering Jim Davidson.