LINDSAY Lohan has given the green light to hours of furtive self-abuse after resuming her lesbian relationship with sort-of-female DJ Samantha Ronson.
NORA, the cat who shot to fame after a video of her playing the piano was posted on Youtube, checked herself into the Priory Hospital last night.
A CROP circle depicting the genitalia of TV talent show judge Amanda Holden has appeared in an Oxfordshire field.
MUMBAI City Council was last night urged to switch the focus of its film star bulldozing programme to Batman's Christian Bale.
THE pretend marriage of Jordan, the pretend novelist, and Peter André, the pretend human, was last night on the completely made-up rocks.