JOSEPH Ratzinger has been temporarily replaced by an incompetent supply Pope, it has emerged.
POPE Benedict XVI is leaving his post at the Vatican to work for the devil.
DAVID Beckham will donate his salary to disadvantaged children with unco-operative hair.
THE middle classes are not going to do anything without getting Hugh Fearnley-Whittingstall's explicit permission.
THE Queen's powers include the right to veto the prime minister's toilet habits, it has emerged.
TV PROPERTY and lifestyle guru Kirstie Allsopp lives in unbelievable squalor, it has emerged.