Bill Roache had sex with same 1,000 women as Mick Hucknall

CORONATION Street actor Bill Roache and Simply Red frontman Mick Hucknall have bedded the same 1,000 women, it has been confirmed.

Archaeologists killed by vampire Jesus

THE immortal vampire Jesus is on the rampage again after a team of excavators disturbed his ancient coffin.

Sun on Sunday picks up Cheryl & Ashley saga where News of the World left off

THE new Sun on Sunday will continue the story of star-crossed lovers Cheryl and Ashley Cole from last year's cliffhanger ending.

Patrick Bateman 'devastated' by Whitney Houston funeral

51-YEAR-OLD Wall Street commodities broker Patrick Bateman has described his anguish at the death of Whitney Houston.

Beard disposal experts cordon off David Mitchell

A MILITARY facial hair disposal team has sealed off Peep Show star David Mitchell in a tense bid to remove his beard.

Paparazzi found in Sienna Miller’s womb

A GROUP of motorbike-riding press photographers has been discovered in the uterus of actress Sienna Miller.

Madonna becomes new face of Tena Lady

AFTER a near perfect performance at the Super Bowl on Sunday, Madonna has been unveiled as the new brand ambassador for feminine leakage pads.

Queen to be bombarded with lower middle class music

BRITAIN will pay tribute to the Queen by standing outside her house and bombarding her with music she finds ghastly.