GQ awards to trigger violent revolution

BRITAIN may finally be stirred into the violent overthrow of its financial and political systems after seeing photographs from last night's GQ Men of the Year awards.

Pippa's undercrackers break tourism record

WINDSOR Castle has attracted record visitor numbers to an exhibition featuring Pippa Middleton's used underpants.

Blair to teach Murdoch's daughter how to lie

TONY Blair has pledged to school his god-daughter in the ancient ways of dishonesty.

Cheryl Cole boosts Twitter literacy level

TWITTER is now 14 percent cleverer after the addition of Cheryl Cole.

Branson's mother falls in love with Kate Winslet

SIR Richard Branson's mother is head over heels in love with dashing actress Kate Winslet.

Celebrity culture rises defiant from ashes of London

THE new Celebrity Big Brother house has emerged like a glorious phoenix from England's shattered capital.

William gives Kate a blonde wig

PRINCE William has continued creeping out the entire nation by giving his new wife a 1980s-style blonde wig.

Wills dumps Kate for bum-shaped love nut

THE Duke of Cambridge has abandoned his wife after bonding with an erotically-shaped coconut, it has emerged.