AWARDING a knighthood to Andy Murray would be a bit pathetic, it has been confirmed.
THE announcement of a rival royal baby means that full-scale civil war is now inevitable.
SUPERMODEL Kate Moss has designed a range of nuclear missiles for style-conscious governments.
SAILOR Popeye has admitted that his immense upper body strength is not the result of a spinach-heavy diet.
THE best thing about being monarch is the huge amount of money you get, the Queen has confirmed.