Celebrity

Murray knighthood would be like 'world's greatest dad' t-shirt

AWARDING a knighthood to Andy Murray would be a bit pathetic, it has been confirmed.

Zara baby to trigger civil war

THE announcement of a rival royal baby means that full-scale civil war is now inevitable.

Kate Moss designs range of nuclear missiles

SUPERMODEL Kate Moss has designed a range of nuclear missiles for style-conscious governments.

Popeye strong to the finish because of monkey hormone injections

SAILOR Popeye has admitted that his immense upper body strength is not the result of a spinach-heavy diet.

I love money, says Queen

THE best thing about being monarch is the huge amount of money you get, the Queen has confirmed.