Celebrity

Phone hacking scandal finally interesting

THE tabloid phone hacking scandal widened last night to include some voicemail messages you may actually care about.

Cheryl deal collapses as everyone involved decides to do something with their life

LAST-MINUTE negotiations over Cheryl Cole's television career were abruptly terminated last night after her management team decided to start living actual lives.

How dare Pippa Middleton muscle her way into this headline

PIPPA Middleton was last night accused of cashing in on her sister's royal status after ruthlessly hijacking the beginning of this sentence.

Harrison Ford forgets he was in fourth Indiana Jones movie

AGEING actor Harrison Ford has forgotten his starring role in Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull, it emerged last night.

Cheryl Cole not good enough for Americans

BRITISH culture was dealt a devastating blow last night after Cheryl Cole was sacked by Americans.

God sues Jordan for playing him

LORD God Almighty has filed a £6m lawsuit against inflatable glamour model Jordan for bringing his name into disrepute.

Footballer had sex

A PROFESSIONAL footballer did it with some dolly bird, it has been confirmed.

45lb baby leads to Schwarzenegger divorce

ARNOLD Schwarzenegger knew his marriage was doomed shortly after the birth of a three-stone baby carrying a sawn-off shotgun.