Celebrity

UK legal system peaks with judgement about woman's fanny

A THOUSAND years of British legal history has reached its summit in a decision on the privacy of a woman's fandango.

Philip to say 'Mick' no more than eight times

PRINCE Philip will be allowed into Ireland today on condition he calls them all 'Micks' no more than eight times during the four day visit.

Experts to probe mystery of Keith Allen's 'career'

RESEARCHERS are to launch a fresh study into what Keith Allen is for.

Jamie Oliver re-brands bacteria as 'Funky Coli'

THE microbes present in TV chef Jamie Oliver's restaurant kitchens are cool and laid-back, it was claimed last night.

Giggs leaves wife for Hugh Bonneville

GENTLEMAN footballer Ryan Giggs has left his wife for softly-spoken Downton Abbey star Hugh Bonneville.

Vatican accidentally beatifies Ringo

THE Catholic Church last night beatified Ringo Starr by mistake.

Britain overjoyed by union of buttocks

BRITAIN has been inspired and energised by the joining together of Pippa Middleton's left and right buttocks.


Middletons finally offended by Prince Philip

KATE Middleton's parents have finally been subjected to a series of horribly offensive comments by Prince Philip.