Prince Charles to grow enormous beard

ROYAL aides have confirmed that Prince Charles is to give up his role as heir to the throne to pursue a career as a mouth-foaming prophet of doom.

Gok Wan revealed as crafty heterosexual

CHANNEL 4's How To Look Good Naked is a ruse for the secretly straight Gok Wan to involve himself with female body parts, it has emerged.

GQ awards to trigger violent revolution

BRITAIN may finally be stirred into the violent overthrow of its financial and political systems after seeing photographs from last night's GQ Men of the Year awards.

Pippa's undercrackers break tourism record

WINDSOR Castle has attracted record visitor numbers to an exhibition featuring Pippa Middleton's used underpants.

Blair to teach Murdoch's daughter how to lie

TONY Blair has pledged to school his god-daughter in the ancient ways of dishonesty.

Cheryl Cole boosts Twitter literacy level

TWITTER is now 14 percent cleverer after the addition of Cheryl Cole.

Branson's mother falls in love with Kate Winslet

SIR Richard Branson's mother is head over heels in love with dashing actress Kate Winslet.

Celebrity culture rises defiant from ashes of London

THE new Celebrity Big Brother house has emerged like a glorious phoenix from England's shattered capital.