Beckham to help poor children have better hair

DAVID Beckham will donate his salary to disadvantaged children with unco-operative hair.

Middle class to seek Hugh Fearnley-Whittingstall's approval on everything

THE middle classes are not going to do anything without getting Hugh Fearnley-Whittingstall's explicit permission.

Queen 'can veto Prime Ministerial urination'

THE Queen's powers include the right to veto the prime minister's toilet habits, it has emerged.

Kirstie Allsopp 'eats handfuls of dry Horlicks'

TV PROPERTY and lifestyle guru Kirstie Allsopp lives in unbelievable squalor, it has emerged.

Why isn't Harry Styles buying us cupcakes? ask middle-aged men

ONE Direction's middle-aged male fanbase wants to kill Taylor Swift, it has emerged.