THE Welsh have demanded the royal baby be given to them so the initiation can begin.
THE impending royal baby is to be named Chunky, regardless of its gender.
HARRY Potter author JK Rowling has been revealed as the enigmatic dubstep producer Burial.
AWARDING a knighthood to Andy Murray would be a bit pathetic, it has been confirmed.
THE announcement of a rival royal baby means that full-scale civil war is now inevitable.
SUPERMODEL Kate Moss has designed a range of nuclear missiles for style-conscious governments.