IF Booker prize winner Hilary Mantel wants a piece of the Duchess of Cambridge, she can have it, St James's Palace has confirmed.
JEREMY Paxman has a vigilante alter ego called 'Clever Man'.
NEW paparazzi photos of the Duchess of Cambridge show that her buttocks are now huge.
JOSEPH Ratzinger has been temporarily replaced by an incompetent supply Pope, it has emerged.
POPE Benedict XVI is leaving his post at the Vatican to work for the devil.
DAVID Beckham will donate his salary to disadvantaged children with unco-operative hair.
THE middle classes are not going to do anything without getting Hugh Fearnley-Whittingstall's explicit permission.