Celebrity
Robert Peston Transformed Into Pure Energy
BBC business editor Robert Peston last night attained transcendence before converting himself into pure energy.
Kaplinsky Rubs It In
MILLIONAIRE TV presenter Natasha Kaplinsky last night released photos of the perfect baby boy she has had with her millionaire husband.
Lohan Urged To Find Sexier Girlfriend
LINDSAY Lohan needs to find herself a much hotter girlfriend - and quickly, men said last night.
Stars Shine At London Gay Bullshit Week
THEY are calling it the most glamorous and successful London Gay Bullshit Week in years.
Cycle Of Britney Begins Again
POP sensation Britney Spears will soon begin a fresh descent into chaos and substance abuse as experts confirmed her celebrity cycle had completed its first full revolution.
Helen Mirren Vomits On Coffee Table
DAME Helen Mirren last night threw up all over a coffee table and then urged everyone to have a good look at it.
David Duchovny Has His Cake And Shags It
X-FILES star David Duchovny last night became the latest Hollywood star to have sex with countless women and then claim he was not right in the head.
Duchovny has checked himself into a rehabilitation clinic which specialises in the treatment of men who like to hump anything that moves but do not want to have arguments with their wives.
New Series Of Strictly Come Dancing To Be Filmed At Bottom Of Barrel
THE new series of Strictly Come Dancing is to be recorded at the bottom of a large barrel, the BBC confirmed last night.