THE impending royal baby is to be named Chunky, regardless of its gender.
HARRY Potter author JK Rowling has been revealed as the enigmatic dubstep producer Burial.
AWARDING a knighthood to Andy Murray would be a bit pathetic, it has been confirmed.
THE announcement of a rival royal baby means that full-scale civil war is now inevitable.
SUPERMODEL Kate Moss has designed a range of nuclear missiles for style-conscious governments.
SAILOR Popeye has admitted that his immense upper body strength is not the result of a spinach-heavy diet.