US Discriminates Against Dirty Old Buggers, Says Polanski

THE UNITED States has an institutional prejudice against manky old sods, Roman Polanski claimed last night.

Amanda Holden Reverting To Dung

THE sorcery holding Amanda Holden together is wearing off, it emerged yesterday.

Adrian Chiles 'Racially Abused A Badger'

ANIMAL rights protesters have condemned Adrian Chiles after footage showed him shouting 'half breed' at a frightened badger.

Lennon's LSD Stash To Be Remastered And Sold For Ten Times Its Street Value

DRUGS belonging to deceased Beatle John Lennon are to be slightly re-vamped and then sold at exorbitant prices to obsessive, middle-aged Beatles fans.

Mills Thought Stu Sutcliffe Was The Best Beatle, Says Nanny

HEATHER Mills considered Stu Sutcliffe standing with his back to the audience in a Hamburg strip club in order to hide his inability to play the guitar as the high point of the Beatles' career, an employment tribunal heard yesterday.

I Have Feet, Says Ricky Martin

POP star Ricky Martin has ended years of speculation by confirming that he has a foot at the end of each of his legs.

Pete Doherty Made Of Crack, Say Police

BOHEMIAN not-singer Pete Doherty is now 98% pure crack cocaine, according to police.

Men Still Trying To Fancy Lady Gaga

MEN are still really trying to find the constantly-naked Lady Gaga attractive, it emerged last night.