Celebrity

'I'm just a hack standing in front of a boy, asking him if he's taping me'

HUGH Grant is back on top of the Hollywood A-list after rave reviews for his new film The Englishman Who Went to a Pub With a Hidden Microphone.

Clarkson continues heartbreaking bid to hide true sexuality

TV bad boy Jeremy Clarkson remains filled with inner turmoil after shattering Richard Hammond's heart into a million tiny pieces, it has emerged.

She might get fat, Church tells William

THE Church of England has urged Prince William not to hop on a passing skank if Kate Middleton gains a few pounds.

Derek Acorah banishes family's dignity

TV spiv Derek Acorah has perfomed a mysterious ritual to rid an ordinary family of its self-esteem.

Stricken nuclear plant looks like Fern Britton

AS the Fukushima nuclear power station teeters on the brink of a catastrophic meltdown, someone has pointed out that it looks a bit like Fern Britton.

Teachers not famous enough

MOST British teachers are not famous enough to be able to inspire their pupils, according to a new report.

Kate sets up secret wedding list

KATE Middleton has set up her own secret wedding list at John Lewis, it emerged last night.

Letting Prince Andrew do something turns out to be bad idea

GIVING Prince Andrew a high-profile public role has somehow failed to be a success, it has emerged.