Queen to be bombarded with lower middle class music

BRITAIN will pay tribute to the Queen by standing outside her house and bombarding her with music she finds ghastly.

Men thank their mothers for not being Denise Welch

MEN across Britain have forgiven their mothers for everything they have said or done after encountering Denise Welch.

Corbett too short for a knighthood

RONNIE Corbett has had to make do with a CBE because he is too short for a knighthood, it has been confirmed.

Hairy bikers admit cookery a front for drug and gun trafficking

JOVIAL television bike gang members David Myers and Simon King have confessed to extensive criminal activities after multiple shootings at the recording of their latest series.

Thief gets to open Abbey Clancy's ghastly Christmas presents

ABBEY Clancy and Peter Crouch were today devastated by the thought of a thief opening all their vulgar, over-priced Christmas gifts.

CNN 'can't remember' who gave away Piers Morgan's parking space

CNN last night said it had no recollection of who removed Piers Morgan's name from his designated parking space.

Ecclestone daughter tackles prejudice against superficiality

A BERNIE Ecclestone daughter is to front a new ITV2 series confronting anti-superficiality.

Queen unveils plan for foul-mouthed jubilee tirade

PLANS for the Queen's Diamond Jubilee will include a speech of unimaginable filth.