Harry’s arse 'a mirror to the soul'

PRINCE Harry’s naked buttocks are a blank screen onto which Britain will project its hopes and dreams, it has been confirmed.

Angelina Jolie to marry Justin Theroux

SCREEN siren Angelina Jolie is engaged to the actor/screenwriter Justin Theroux, her spokesman has announced.

Holmes embraces conventional lunacy

KATIE Holmes has left the world of Scientology for a more normal type of bullshit by experimenting with Catholicism.

Pre-nup gives Cruise sole custody of Thetans

THE pre-nuptial agreement between Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes guarantees the Mission Impossible actor sole custody of his wife's Operating Thetan.

Men confused by Depp

THE break-up of Johnny Depp and Vanessa Paradis has left heterosexual men unsure which one they like most.

Celebrities rich

DOZENS of celebrities are rich, it has emerged.

'Bully' not the same as 'twat', celebrities told

CELEBRITIES are to have the meaning of the word 'bully' explained to them, in a bid to stop it becoming utterly meaningless.

Clarkson slammed for 'owlist' rant

JEREMY Clarkson has infuriated wildlife groups by describing owls as 'head-rotating gaylords' and 'mouse munchers'.