Council Estates Quarantined As Cheryl Link Confirmed

BRITAIN'S council estates have been cordoned-off after they were linked to the creation of Cheryl Cole.

William Has Constitutional Duty To Spend £80m On A Party, Say Experts

PRINCE William will be barred from the throne unless he spends at least £80m on his wedding, constitutional experts have confirmed.

William And Kate: Eight Years Of Doing It

WHEN Prince William arrived in St Andrews on a bright September morning in 2001, the Scottish seaside town, famous for its golf and its wind, would never be the same again for four years.

Search Continues For Top Of Gordon Ramsay's Head

FRIENDS and colleagues of celebrity chef Gordon Ramsay are today continuing their search for the top of his head.

Which Popstar Likes To Strip Naked And Ride Around Her Dining Room On A Pig?

SPECULATION was growing last night over which international pop superstar likes to get buck naked and ride bareback on a pot-bellied pig.

'If You Destroy Holly Or Fearne, The Other Will Die'

HOLLY Willoughby and Fearne Cotton are the twin sisters of Beelzebub and must be destroyed at all costs, experts have claimed.

Teenage Girl Temperamental

BRITAIN faced a fresh pop crisis last night after it emerged that X Factor favourite Cher Lloyd has been behaving like a teenage girl.

Is It Racist Even If You Don't Beat Them Up? Asks Cheryl

CHERYL Cole dismissed claims of racism last night, insisting it has been years since she physically attacked a black person.