McCartney hoping this one isn't mad

SIR Paul McCartney last night toasted his new bride saying, 'I really hope you're not a complete nutcase'.

Jackson's doctor accused of making him weird

MICHAEL Jackson's doctor has gone on trial accused of making him weirder than a bald cat.

What kind of car does Tindall drive? asks Prince Philip

PRINCE Philip has asked his staff to find out what kind of car England Rugby captain Mike Tindall is currently driving.

Prince Charles to grow enormous beard

ROYAL aides have confirmed that Prince Charles is to give up his role as heir to the throne to pursue a career as a mouth-foaming prophet of doom.

Gok Wan revealed as crafty heterosexual

CHANNEL 4's How To Look Good Naked is a ruse for the secretly straight Gok Wan to involve himself with female body parts, it has emerged.

GQ awards to trigger violent revolution

BRITAIN may finally be stirred into the violent overthrow of its financial and political systems after seeing photographs from last night's GQ Men of the Year awards.

Pippa's undercrackers break tourism record

WINDSOR Castle has attracted record visitor numbers to an exhibition featuring Pippa Middleton's used underpants.

Blair to teach Murdoch's daughter how to lie

TONY Blair has pledged to school his god-daughter in the ancient ways of dishonesty.