Celebrity

Zuckerberg finally able to buy suit

AFTER a lucrative 2014, Facebook CEO Mark Zuckerberg believes he can afford to buy some formal clothing.

Palace in fresh bid to save Prince Andrew’s impeccable reputation

BUCKINGHAM Palace is working overtime to stop the public losing respect for Prince Andrew.

Queen to confirm she is immortal

THE Queen will use her annual Christmas message to announce that she will never die.

Establishment planning to bring Russell Brand down with sex scandal

THE security services are planning to discredit Russell Brand by having him caught in an affair with a disreputable young woman.

Fogles and Middletons locked in murderous blood feud

DOZENS have been killed since the outbreak of a vicious battle between Britain’s leading quite posh crime families.

Harry asked Sports Personality winners if they had any weed

PRINCE Harry asked every winner at the Sports Personality of the Year awards if they were holding marijuana.

Corgis eat ‘heroic’ quantity of magic mushrooms

THE Queen’s corgis have been left permanently changed after consuming vast quantities of magic mushrooms.

Queen to let Prince Philip do the speech

THE Queen is to let Prince Philip deliver the Christmas speech, mainly just to see what will happen.