Celebrity

Queen to live as a horse

THE Queen has formally announced that she will spend her retirement living in stables as a horse.

Harry and Cressida split after she stumbles across ‘The Room’

PRINCE Harry has split from girlfriend Cressida Bonas after she accidentally entered the special room at Kensington Palace.

Catholic church accused of saint-fixing

NON-CATHOLICS have called for an investigation after they were once again passed over for sainthood.

Chris Packham flees Malta on back of giant eagle

TELEVISION naturalist Chris Packham has escaped Maltese police custody with the help of birds.

William goes into 'tyrant mode'

PRINCE William has lapsed into behaving like a 16th century tyrant during his tour of Australia.

William only meant that shawl was dreadful

PRINCE William only asked a New Zealand woman to make another baby shawl because the first one was so shit.

Prince George told to get used to this shit

PRINCE George has has his first taste of the lifetime of tribal dances and military parades stretching out before him.

What about Keith f*cking Richards? Nigella asks America

NIGELLA Lawson has asked the US how come she gets barred but Keith Richards wanders in and out like he owns the place.