Top Gear ‘a massive hit if you include viewers who are walking past Dixons’

THE new Top Gear has an audience over 24 million if you include people walking past television shop windows, according to Chris Evans.

Mums to continue pointing out how much people on TV have aged

MOTHERS have confirmed plans to keep highlighting how various television celebrities look much older these days.

Taylor Swift remembers who she was sent back from 2839AD to kill

THE android known as ‘Taylor Swift’ has remembered who she was sent from the future to kill.

Queen drops Slayer song titles into speech

THE Queen’s Speech is littered with song titles from thrash metal act Slayer, it has emerged. 

I am ‘Becky with the good hair,’ admits Mary Berry

THE Great British Bake-Off star Mary Berry has admitted being the ‘Becky with the good hair’ named by Beyonce.

Queen very good at it, say experts

THE Queen is extremely good at being the Queen, it has been claimed. 

Beyonce announces collaboration with Greggs

BEYONCE is working with Greggs on a range of pasties designed to empower women of all shapes and pasty-eating abilities.

Dog apology video ‘is best Johnny Depp film in a decade’

JOHNNY Depp’s string of poor career choices has ended with a captivating short film about why it is wrong to smuggle dogs into Australia.