Celebrity

Can I have one girlfriend without you bastards f**king it up? asks Harry

PRINCE Harry has asked the world’s media if he could just have one relationship that is not immediately ruined by bastard journalists.

Man at dinner party may be leader of the Liberal Democrats

A SMARTLY-DRESSED man at a posh dinner party may well be Tim Farron, fellow guests have realised.

Jamie Oliver wearily wanks out yet another f**king cookbook

JAMIE Oliver has wearily dumped yet another book of recipes, photographs and shit onto the market for Christmas.

We will abolish the monarchy if we hear one kind word about immigrants, says Sun

THE SUN has confirmed that if the Queen dares breathe one compassionate word about immigrants she is fucking gone.

Assange’s weird dreams shaping reality

JULIAN Assange’s weird dreams are controlling our reality.

Cameron gets job in artisan coffee shop

DAVID Cameron has become a barista in an independent coffee shop until he gets his ‘head space’ together.

Grown man dressing like Prince George

A 34-YEAR-OLD man is wearing the same outfits as three-year-old Prince George of Cambridge, his shocked colleagues have reported.

Thing happens to Kardashians that has absolutely no relevance to your life

SOMETHING has happened to the Kardashians that does not affect you because they are strangers and you will never meet them.