Celebrity

Thousands of Boris supporters don’t know his surname

ONLY 13 percent of people who support Boris Johnson are aware that his surname is Johnson.

Bono: Surely this is the stupidest shit I’ve ever said

BONO proudly believes his claim that comedians should be sent to fight ISIS to be his most dumbshit pronouncement yet.

We’ll celebrate your birthday if we get a day off, Britain tells Queen

THE UK has told the Queen it will celebrate her 90th birthday if she gives everyone a day off work.

I'm just a metaphor for sex, realises Easter Bunny

THE Easter Bunny has expressed shock and disgust that he's just some weird metaphor for sex.

Chutney went straight in bin, Queen confirms

A CHRISTMAS gift of homemade chutney from the Duchess of Cambridge was treated with the contempt it deserved, says the Queen.

Holly and Phillip tired because they necked a load of gurners last night

THE hosts of This Morning have explained that they feel tired today because they stayed up all night taking pills.

Don’t even think of standing for PM, Britain warns Branson

BRITONS have warned Richard Branson that a Trump-style political campaign would result in his arse being kicked into the Atlantic.

Queen a right old cow, says Sun

THE Queen is such an old cow, the Sun has confirmed.