Celebrity

I am a ponce, admits Hiddleston

ACTOR Tom Hiddleston has apologised for being a massive ponce.

I’m sick of being your f**king punchline, Michael Fish tells Britain

MICHAEL Fish is sick of being a byword for fucking up and you can all sod off, the infamous weatherman has declared.

Genuinely puzzled Keith Richards survives 2016

ROLLING Stones legend Keith Richards has expressed his genuine surprise at surviving 2016.

'You are the most expendable part of this', says voice in Richard Hammond's head

THE voice inside Richard Hammond’s head has reminded him he is easily the most expendable part of Jeremy Clarkson’s TV entourage.

Jesus had goatee phase

JESUS had a goatee for a bit but nobody was into it, it has emerged.

Queen's speech to highlight how much mad shit happened in 2016

THE theme of the Queen's Christmas message is how much mental shit has happened lately, it has been revealed.

I would take them out with darts like Rambo, says Bristow

ERIC Bristow would go on a deadly darts rampage if he was threatened by abusers, he has announced.

Queen to teach Trump a thing or two about vulgar interior design

THE QUEEN will invite Donald Trump to Buckingham Palace to show him how to do gaudy interior design properly.