Celebrity

Telly idiots being treated like tribal elders

SOCIETY is at a point where presenters of light entertainment television are regarded as wise sages.

Spain to get exciting new monarch unlike some people

SPAIN is to get a coronation and some new stamps and post boxes, unlike some other countries with old monarchs.

Enjoy it while you can, Conchita warns Farage

EUROVISION winner Conchita has advised Nigel Farage to make the most of his fleeting moment of glory.

Osborne's cat is a cat whore

THE Chancellor of the Exchequer's cat has been charged with soliciting after being found in a red light district.

Jordan very sad

JORDAN is sad now because she got married to a man but he is a bad man.

Kim and Kanye to hold Caligula-themed wedding

THE wedding of Kim Kardashian and Kanye West, to be held in Italy tomorrow, will be themed after the cruelties of Rome’s most depraved Emperor.

Queen to live as a horse

THE Queen has formally announced that she will spend her retirement living in stables as a horse.

Harry and Cressida split after she stumbles across ‘The Room’

PRINCE Harry has split from girlfriend Cressida Bonas after she accidentally entered the special room at Kensington Palace.