Celebrity

We knew about Jimmy Savile all along, admits entire UK population

EVERY man, woman and child in the UK knew that Jimmy Savile was a sexual predator for 30 years, it has emerged.

Clarkson apologises to cold food

JEREMY Clarkson has officially apologised to cold cuts and salads after saying they were not good enough for him.

Gorilla mother faces backlash following c-section birth

A BRISTOL Zoo-based gorilla mother is under fire after it was claimed she made no effort to have a natural birth.

Noam Chomsky steps aside to make way for Russell Brand

THE world’s most renowned left-wing thinker has decided to retire following Russell Brand’s latest online rant, it has been confirmed.

Derren Brown has hooves instead of feet

DERREN Brown has goat-like hooves because of doing black magic, it has emerged.

Duchess of Cambridge to guest edit Crafty Carper

AFTER spending yesterday guest editing the Huffington Post, Kate Middleton will today act as guest editor of Crafty Carper magazine

Kanye finds time in busy schedule of twattishness to release album

KANYE West has found a window in his schedule of twattery to release some of his music.

Public reminded that actors are full of shit

LISTENING to what actors think is stupid because they are stupid, it has been confirmed.