Celebrity

Bono pays tribute to Bowie by quitting immediately

U2 FRONTMAN Bono has paid tribute to David Bowie by promising to stop singing.

Keith Richards tells Death to sling his hook

KEITH Richards has told Death to move along.

Black widow Jerry Hall to marry convicted poisoner Rupert Murdoch

MODEL Jerry Hall, whose four previous husbands met unexplained deaths, is to become the sixth wife of convicted poisoner Rupert Murdoch.

48-year-old audit manager comes to work with lightning bolt make-up

AN AUDIT manager has arrived at the office with a red-and-blue Ziggy Stardust lightning bolt on his face which has yet to be mentioned by anyone.

Look at this photo and be grateful, you scum, Britain told

BRITAIN has been ordered to look at this delightful photograph and thank the Royal Family for existing.

Man says f**k you to careers advisor who claimed 'astronaut' not a real job

ASTRONAUT Tim Peake has confirmed that his school’s careers advisor can stick his Boots application forms up his arse.

Carrie Fisher feelings resurface in 40-somethings

CONFUSING urges about Carrie Fisher have returned amongst middle-aged people after a 30-year absence.

Santa shaves beard to distance himself from hipsters

FATHER Christmas has shaved off his beard following concerns about its hipster connotations.