Celebrity

Non-shifty Blair photo 'does not exist'

RESEARCHERS have admitted defeat in the search for a picture of Tony Blair looking trustworthy.

Pitt and Jolie tell Hague they'd already booked a table for two

ANGELINA Jolie and Brad Pitt were last night forced to tell William Hague they planned to spend the evening alone.

Page collapsed because Prince Philip drained too much of his blood

THE page boy who fainted during the Queen's speech had been weakened by Prince Philip's vampiric tendencies.

Britain delighted with Queen’s latest waving box

BRITAIN has congratulated the Queen on her new mobile box, with windows big enough so we can see her lovely hands.

Telly idiots being treated like tribal elders

SOCIETY is at a point where presenters of light entertainment television are regarded as wise sages.

Spain to get exciting new monarch unlike some people

SPAIN is to get a coronation and some new stamps and post boxes, unlike some other countries with old monarchs.

Enjoy it while you can, Conchita warns Farage

EUROVISION winner Conchita has advised Nigel Farage to make the most of his fleeting moment of glory.

Osborne's cat is a cat whore

THE Chancellor of the Exchequer's cat has been charged with soliciting after being found in a red light district.