Celebrity

Celebrity marriage doesn't fail

GWYNETH Paltrow and Chris Martin's marriage has succeeded in a splitting up kind of way, they have announced.

Hawking admits quantum gambling habit

STEPHEN Hawking has made millions by using quantum theory in gambling, he has revealed.

Vague feeling of emptiness over death of utter lunatic

PEOPLE have been left feeling vaguely unsatisfied following the death of a stark raving madman.

Exquisitely groomed dog still likes to eat its own vomit sometimes

CRUFTS winner Ricky the poodle has said he just likes to do normal disgusting dog stuff.

Alec Baldwin is top priority, says international community

WORLD leaders have set aside their differences to focus on the well-being of Alec Baldwin.

Piers Morgan to interview volleyballs in his shed

PIERS Morgan will continue his glittering career by sitting in his shed, interviewing volleyballs with faces painted on them

Beyoncé 'surfing all wrong'

SURFING experts have condemned Beyoncé's technique of grinding her crotch against her surfboard.

Kate borrows Queen's necklace to get it valued

THE Duchess of Cambridge has borrowed a diamond necklace from the Queen to have it priced up at the pawnbrokers.