Celebrity

Queen still very sexual

HER Majesty the Queen has the sexual energy of a young Michelle Pfeiffer, it has been confirmed.

Morgan Freeman to play wise old man in movie to be decided later

MORGAN Freeman has agreed to appear in a wise, solemn but twinkling role in a film yet to be conceived.

Hilary Mantel admits shooting Thatcher

NOVELIST Hilary Mantel has confessed to the murder of Margaret Thatcher.

Sinden and Paisley ‘were due to portray each other on stage’

SIR Donald Sinden and Ian Paisley had been signed up to play each other in the West End, it has emerged.

Kate to continue public engagements while vomiting

THE Duchess of Cambridge is to fufil all her public engagements while throwing up.

Swapping Piers Morgan for James Corden 'like act of violence', says America

AMERICANS have begged England to stop sending them smug, fat-faced English television presenters.

Prince George urged to abdicate

BRITAIN has told Prince George to make way for a fresh face who can revitalise the monarchy.

Bill Gates to buy GQ and burn it to the ground

BILL Gates is to buy men’s magazine GQ, sack everyone, evacuate the building and set fire to it.