THE Queen has become Britain's longest-serving monarch but wants celebrations kept low-key in case people realise the royal thing is a huge scam.
THE Queen is a lethal human weapon trained by Shaolin monks, it has been confirmed.
SAMANTHA Cameron has been placed at the top of Vanity Fair's Best-Dressed list by women uncomfortable in everything.
DAILY Mail columnist Richard Littlejohn is in a sadomasochistic master-slave relationship with his binmen, he has admitted.
A WOMAN unknowingly married Ant and Dec in a polygamous wedding ceremony in Newcastle.
THE Duchess of Cambridge is planning a daring escape from the Royal Family involving a faked shark attack and a mini submarine.
JEREMY Clarkson’s new Amazon contract includes an obligation to deliver 300 parcels a month.
EARTH-like planet Keplar 452b is being urgently beamed news that the feud between Nicki Minaj and Taylor Swift has been settled.