Celebrity

I can't take it much longer without going insane, says proud dad William

PRINCE William has spoken of his joy at becoming a father.

These baby photos are very poor, do them again, says Britain

THE Duke and Duchess of Cambridge have been told to do new photos of Prince George because the first lot are dreadful.

Apache helicopters better at killing people than landmines, says Harry

PRINCE Harry has called for a global landmine ban insisting they are a waste of time compared to his multi-million pound helicopter of death.

Royal baby growing uncontrollably

THE royal baby is growing at an alarming rate.

OK! magazine reporting on celebrity afterlives

INCREASINGLY deranged gossip magazine OK! is to begin covering the love lives and confessions of celebrities post-mortem.

Wiley turned into a cow

RAPPER Wiley has been turned into a heifer by the witches of Cumbria.

Baby named after George Formby, Alexander Graham Bell and Louis Gossett Jnr

THE name of the new royal baby is a reflection of his parents' deepest passions, it has been confirmed.