THE Duchess of Cambridge has been advised that interest in her forthcoming baby is hovering around zero.
JEREMY Clarkson asked Oisin Tymon to drop his complaint in exchange for punching Richard Hammond as hard as he could.
THE model Gisele is more annoying than she gets credit for, it has been claimed.
TAYLOR Swift is to produce pornography that is unremarkable on the surface but really gets into your head.
CHERYL from Girls Aloud has told young female singers they will need to prostitute themselves creatively but not physically.
PRINCE Harry has been called up to play bass in The Fall.
BRITAIN has been celebrating the life of Richard III, who was misunderstood although he did probably murder two kids.
MUSICIAN Morrissey has abandoned his usual miserablism for a day enjoying everything good life has to offer.