Celebrity

Nobody cares about second baby, Kate told

THE Duchess of Cambridge has been advised that interest in her forthcoming baby is hovering around zero.

Clarkson offered producer a free punch at Hammond

JEREMY Clarkson asked Oisin Tymon to drop his complaint in exchange for punching Richard Hammond as hard as he could.

Annoyingness of Gisele Bundchen underrated

THE model Gisele is more annoying than she gets credit for, it has been claimed.

Taylor Swift to produce bland, catchy porn

TAYLOR Swift is to produce pornography that is unremarkable on the surface but really gets into your head.

You only have to whore yourself creatively, says Cheryl

CHERYL from Girls Aloud has told young female singers they will need to prostitute themselves creatively but not physically.

Prince Harry called up to join The Fall

PRINCE Harry has been called up to play bass in The Fall.

Richard III a great guy apart from killing those kids

BRITAIN has been celebrating the life of Richard III, who was misunderstood although he did probably murder two kids.

Morrissey enjoying International Day of Happiness

MUSICIAN Morrissey has abandoned his usual miserablism for a day enjoying everything good life has to offer.