Panic Spreads As Sting Is Right About Something
COMMUNITIES across Britain were gripped by fear last night after Sting was right about something.
The singer said the X-Faxtor was 'TV karaoke', 'soap opera that has nothing to do with music' and that Simon Cowell had 'no recognisable talent', in what experts described as a 'horrifying blaze of correctness'.
Professor Henry Brubaker, of the Institute for Studies, said: "The Stockholm Commission of October 2003 established beyond doubt that Ten Summoner's Tales was the wrongest thing ever done.
"It was so wrong that millions of people based their entire lives on doing the diametric opposite of whatever came out of Sting's mouth. We are now in uncharted territory. May God protect us all."
Nikki Hollis, a terrified woman from Peterborough, said the makers of the X-Factor must be held accountable: "Do you see what you have done Mr Cowell? You have made 'it' right about something. Confront your shame!"
She added: "I feel lost and scared. If 'it' can be right about something then nothing makes sense anymore. It's like Alice through the looking glass. I bloody knew this would happen."
Meanwhile Julian Cook, author of the bestselling self-help book The Wrongness of Sting, said: "I tried Tantric sex about 15 years ago. I lost one testicle within the first 10 seconds – I have no idea where it went – and the other one is now lodged behind my left kidney.
"If Sting is right about this, then we have to entertain the possibility that he could be right about other things too. This could seriously injure my penis."