Pippa’s undercrackers break tourism record

WINDSOR Castle has attracted record visitor numbers to an exhibition featuring Pippa Middleton’s used underpants.

Sturdy but dainty

Although the dunghampers were not worn during the royal wedding, visitors were assured they were definitely used during a strenuous bout of exercise.

Tests will continue until early next year, but preliminary results suggest a long bicycle ride or three-set tennis match.

Royalty fan, Stephen Malley, said: “It’s a charming little piece of history that I’ll be visualising in a hunched, crimson-faced blur in the visitor’s toilets. Now, if you will excuse me.”

Visitor, Wayne Hayes, added: “It’s incredible to be able to get this close to the scants of the high and mighty, although not as close as I’d intended before that security guard intervened. He was a bit rough.”

The display has already raised over a million pounds for arse-related charities and inspired a new range of not-quite-royal memorabilia including thong-shaped oven gloves, ringpiece-scented candles and a t-shirt that says ‘My family went to Windsor and all I got was a lousy description of what Pippa Middleton’s underpinnings might look like’.

Other items included in the exhibition include a cushion Pippa sat on during a visit to Windsor Castle and a roll of unused toilet paper from the rooms she stayed in and is already the most successful exhibition since 1994’s collection of Lady Helen Windsor’s fancy bra drawer.

Curator, Tom Logan, said: “At the castle we also have a fascinating collection of letters between Charles I and his various mistresses, a faithful recreation of Victoria’s living quarters and items bel… oh, you’re going to look at the pants again aren’t you?”