Police To Question Long List Of Starlets Over Jewel Theft
DETECTIVES who questioned Lindsay Lohan over the theft of a £250,000 diamond necklace are to call in Scarlett Johansson and Megan Fox while they're at it.
A Met spokesman said: "We have to pursue every line of enquiry and sometimes that involves strip-searching dozens of nubile young actresses and asking them if they think we're good-looking."
The jewels were targeted by thieves after it was discovered they had been draped across Lohan's naked breasts during a photoshoot.
Jeweller Emma Bradford said: "The price of diamonds remains fairly static. Anyone who can dig a big enough hole in Africa and has a negotiable stance on human rights can get their hands on some.
"But quality gems that have felt the touch of a sexy redheaded bisexual actress of variable morals will double in value."
Lohan was questioned for 72 hours by the newly-formed Seriously Fit Squad and made to appear in a series of police line-ups dressed as a French maid, a nun and, at the request of Commissioner Sir Paul Stephenson, a Bavarian sheepherder.
Police sources said the raids on London jewellers, previously thought to be the work of a highly-organised crew of criminals on mopeds, may have been carried out by a coalition of Girls Aloud and the Pussycat Dolls, except for the one that looks a bit tranny.
