Search Continues For Top Of Gordon Ramsay's Head
FRIENDS and colleagues of celebrity chef Gordon Ramsay are today continuing their search for the top of his head.
Many people used it to make a teatime snack
The upper section of Ramsay’s skull finally came loose yesterday as the chef spun round and round at high speed, causing large pieces of brain matter to be sprayed over a wide area.
A source said: “It was as if someone had switched on a blender full of fresh, British strawberries without making sure the lid was properly secured.”
Across London readers of the Evening Standard and the people standing next to them on the tube, were spattered with moist chunks of Ramsay brain while readers who logged on to the paper’s website were liberally soaked in cranial mucus.
Tom Logan, from Finsbury Park, said: “I was covered in it. It was bright red and it smelled like amyl nitrate and sex jelly.
“Nevertheless, it was a fascinating insight into the gooey, jam-like substance that fills up his skull and I’m sure he won’t regret using it to drench millions of total strangers.”
It is understood that if the top of the chef’s head is not found today it will be replaced with an upturned Pyrex mixing bowl so that people will be able to see what is inside without getting any of it on them.
A spokesman for Ramsay Holdings said: “The sooner we bolt the top of Gordon’s head back on the sooner we can calm things down and he can go back to screaming the word ‘c**t’ at frightened, tearful people because their cheese sauce is not the consistency of liquid velvet.”
