the dailymash

Stars from across the globe have gathered in the capital to look at handbags and soak up as much stupid gay bullshit as they can.

Novelist Jilly Cooper and synth-pop genius Howard Jones were among the big names dazzled by the new collections from the likes of Prada, Chloe, Yellow Handkerchief and House of Cheeks.

Wayne Hayes, gay bullshit editor at the Daily Telegraph, said: "This year everything is 'oomph'. It's glam, it's saucy, but it's ever so scared.

"It's saying 'touch my bum, but not too hard'.

"Blue is now. Red is tomorrow. Mauve is a week next Tuesday. Did you see Rupert Everett at the Gucci pre-show blinis? Yum! And I don't mean the blinis - I mean his testicles."

He added: "I am loving this year's flaps. And have you seen Stella McCartney's new elbow pads? Don't you just want to jump into a lake of fire?"

But debate is again raging over underweight models with pointy elbows and no titties, as experts insist they are a poor role model for young women who want to get pumped.

Dietician Dr Tom Logan said: "Jesus, she looks like that terrifying skeletal thing at the end of Close Encounters which, I might add, I absolutely did not want to fuck."