Thief gets to open Abbey Clancy’s ghastly Christmas presents

ABBEY Clancy and Peter Crouch were today devastated by the thought of a thief opening all their vulgar, over-priced Christmas gifts.

The thief will get to wander around wearing this stupid bloody thing

The couple’s home was robbed earlier this week, forcing the Stoke City player and his annoyingly attractive wife to go out and buy exactly the same things all over again without worrying about money in the slightest.

But a police spokesman said they would still have to live with the fact that someone had broken into their house and stolen the precious gifts from under their trying-way-too-hard-to-be-middle-class Christmas tree.

Detective Inspector Bill McKay said: “You should see this thing, it’s all silver pine cones and bright red ribbons. I’m like ‘give me a fucking break’.

“I’m sure the thief probably thought the same thing and immediately felt much less guilty. Nevertheless a crime has been committed.

“Hasn’t it?”

Shopkeepers in Cheshire have now rallied round and volunteered to sell the couple at least as much stuff as they bought last week.

Helen Archer, owner of Tasteful Necklaces in Prestbury, said: “We’ve got this really lovely platinum Michael Jackson pendant which I’m going to give to Abbey for nine hundred and fifty quid.”

McKay said the stolen items include a ruby-encrusted PS3, a massive watch, a child-sized BMW and a slave.