Thousands More Forced Out By Jamie Oliver's Face

23-08-07

THE number of people leaving Britain because of Jamie Oliver's face has risen for the second year in a row.

Thousands would rather live without proper sanitation

Official figures show that more than 380,000 started a new life overseas, unable to endure another second of the grinning chef.

Roy Hobbs, an electrician from Falmouth, said: "I decided that my family and I would be better off in Basra rather than have to look at that cocky little shit every day for the rest of our lives.

"Life in Basra is unbelievably dangerous, but we've sided with some particularly ruthless Shi'ites and the kids are just so relieved not to have to eat whatever that fat-lipped sod tells them to."

Janice Harper, a physiotherapist from Minchinhamptonsteadbury, said: "I walked into my local Sainsbury's last October and every single product carried a picture of Jamie Oliver.

"All the store announcements were in his voice and there were huge video screens showing him and his trendy mates eating beer battered fish and garlic roasted chips. I put my house on the market that afternoon."

Harper now lives in the hills outside of Barcelona and has threatened to poison the local reservoir if Oliver comes within 250 miles.

A Home Office spokesman said it was unfair to single out Jamie Oliver and insisted there were many reasons for people to leave the UK.

He added: "What about Richard and Judy's Book Club? That's a good one."

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