Which Popstar Likes To Strip Naked And Ride Around Her Dining Room On A Pig?
SPECULATION was growing last night over which international pop superstar likes to get buck naked and ride bareback on a pot-bellied pig.
The star has taken out an injunction at the High Court in London to protect her identity after a pair of stolen laptops were found to contain photographs of whatever the hell we feel like.
The star is described as ‘instantly recognisable’, ruling out anyone from the X Factor, all 23 Sugababes or the other ones in Girls Aloud.
Lawyers said the theft of the laptops has left their client feeling ‘vulnerable’ though animal rights campaigners said she should try being the pig for five minutes.
A leading source said: “When she has finished riding the pig she makes it stand on its hind legs and they both dance a naked passa doble.
“The rest of the photos are just her consummating her relationship with a big bag of assorted fruit and veg. The one with the yams is both utterly repulsive and startlingly beautiful.”
The source added: “Prove me wrong.”
Professor Henry Brubaker, of the Institute for Studies, who has followed the case closely, said: “From reading between the lines in the Daily Telegraph it obviously involves a medium sized farm animal of some kind, though I would suggest it is a goat dressed as a bullfighter.
“I would also suggest that there is either creamy food or fresh poo involved at some point in the proceedings.”
He added: “Given my expert status it would be wrong of me to speculate on the identity, but if it’s not Mariah Carey I will eat a fucking sombrero.”