William Seizes Cocaine Bound For Fulham Road
PRINCE William is facing a ban from some of his favourite Fulham Road nightclubs after his Royal Navy ship seized £40m worth of cocaine.
The seizure will push up prices across West London and could even lead to shortages during the closing weekend of the Henley Regatta.
It is understood the prince, who is currently serving with the Royal Navy in the Caribbean, found the whole episode tremendously exciting.
But Tom Logan, the owner of Oiks, said: "You get to know someone, you give them free champagne, you let them urinate wherever they want, and they repay you by chasing down your drug shipment with a Type 23 Frigate."
"My regulars ordered this cocaine in good faith. There was nothing in the catalogue about it being commandeered by the heir to the throne."
A Royal Navy spokesman said: "Sub-Lieutenant Wales performed a vital role in the operation by pointing at things from a helicopter and did not get in the way at all."
But sources close to William say he is embarrassed by the seizure, insisting he played he played no part and was actually water skiing off the back of HMS Iron Duke the whole time.
Logan added: "Without cocaine there is the imminent danger my customers will realise how worthless and horrifyingly empty their lives really are and go off and do something productive.
"Either that or they'll switch to crystal meth."