Yoda: Corporate bitch I now am
ONCE-GREAT Jedi Master Yoda will flog anything for cash, it has emerged.
Yoda, full name Richard Yoda, has issued a statement offering himself for television or radio adverts, after-dinner speaking and ‘corporate levitation gigs’.
He said: “My services available to anyone they are, if right is price. Basically pimping my wrinkled green ass I am.
“If you want lightsabre stunts, extra that will be. My agent you will speak to, deal agree we shall.
“Seen the light I have. Either live in crappy swamp can I, teaching Jedi knights 2.7 credits an hour max or make easy money advertisements, live in loft apartment.
“Also then more fanny will I get than I can shake my gnarled stick at. No-brainer, it is.”
Many fans see Yoda’s sell-out as the final insult to the memory of a franchise now consisting largely of insults to its memory.
Jedi obsessive Roy Hobbs said: “Yoda’s involvement in the grubby world of product endorsement is the final nail in the coffin of my 55-year-old ongoing childhood. I haven’t been this upset since the holiday special.”
However an unrepentant Yoda said: “Do or do not do. There is no try.
“Unless you try the delicious taste of Sugar-Frosted Wheets, the light breakfast cereal that kids love!
“Twenty grand I get for saying that. Very nice too that is.”