Autumn colours spectacular and all that shit

THIS year’s autumn leaves are looking amazing if that’s the kind of thing you’re into.

Yay leaves woo yay

Big trees like oaks, as well as other smaller trees whose names you do not know, have seen their leaves change colour from green to an orangey-brown that are probably like the dawn or something, if you are prone to whimsy.

Professor Henry Brubaker of the Institute for Studies said: “Definitely the leaves are looking pretty great, at least to the leaf enthusiast.

“Personally I couldn’t give a fuck.

“But that’s just me. I don’t want to piss on anyone’s chips.

“If you are the sort of person who likes to take a million digital photos, fiddle with them in Photoshop then send them to your local BBC in the hope one might end up as a backdrop to the weather bulletin, you are good to go.”

He added: “The biggish leaves that look like hands are especially good this year, apparently they’re ‘vibrant’ or something.

“Go and have a look, if you want. Get some conkers while you’re at it.”

Amateur poet Nikki Hollis said: “I love all that leaf shit, I fucking go nuts for it.”