SPIDERS are shagging in your house right now and there is nothing you can do about it.
Sex-crazed arachnids are getting their legs over in bathtubs, ceilings and under your bed while you are asleep, experts claim.
Professor Tom Howard, explained: “They are at it in the laundry basket, under the sofa and sometimes they’ll even do it right next to you while you are sleeping.
“The filthy bastards.”
Incy Wincy, a spider from Bristol, said: “The other night me and the missus had it off behind a sofa while a family were watching Victoria.
“Another night we did it in the sink three times while a woman was sat on the toilet having a piss. Good times.”
