Britain pathetically excited about sunshine


THE prospect of decent weather has inspired truly heartbreaking levels of joy across the UK.

He's off to the abattoir next week

As forecasters predicted temperatures bordering on the pleasant with tolerable amounts of rain, Britons were scampering in circles like over-enthusiastic termites, hardly knowing what to do with themselves.

Office worker Tom Logan said: “It’s going to be hot and sunny! Not just hot or sunny, but both at the same time.

“I’m going to eat my lunch outside with my sleeves rolled up to my elbows. And you can’t get much better than that.

“Everything’s going to be alright forever.”

Sales co-ordinator Emma Bradford said: “I’ve bought a straw hat and a Summer Fruits Oasis in anticipation of the first beam of sunlight penetrating the dense wall of grey cloud.

“Let me just check out the window.

“Nothing yet. But it’s coming. It’s coming.”

The prospect of several hours’ pleasantness has already inspired gloating headlines about how it’s going to be ‘hotter than the Meditteranean’.

Montenegro resident Alexander Vrbensky said: “My British cousin called me about it, I had to pretend to be angry, like ‘oh no, I’m so jealous, grrr I wish I lived with you in Swindon, when can I get a flight?

“Then I went to the beach with a group of beautiful girls and ate large fruits, same as every day.”



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