Cats confirm all fights to take place between 2am and 5am 

CATS have confirmed all their loud annoying fights will take place in the early hours of the morning. 

Cat Martin Bishop said: “The best bit of having a ‘set to’ is when a human leans out a window and tells you to ‘shut the fuck up.’ It’s hilarious and can be a welcome tension breaker.

“There was talk of a ten til midnight scrapping window but the aim is to wake as many people as possible. It’s also occult lore that 3am is the Devil’s hour which provides the perfect atmosphere for a proper blood curdling ding-dong.

“The daytime is for personal grooming, you need good lighting when you’re trying to pull ticks out of thick fur.”

Bishop added: “We’ll reconsider scheduling when you stop attaching bells to our collars. I move even slightly I tinkle, it’s really undermining my dignity and mental health.”