Chops Better Than Planet
A UNITED Nation's plea to reduce meat consumption was rejected last night as millions decided planet Earth was not as good as some nice chops.
Despite claims that shunning meat will help tackle global warming, consumers said whoever was working at the UN these days needed to shut up and try some of this lovely smoked gammon.
Julian Cook, a meat enthusiast from Ealing, said: "I've had a look at some of these low lying areas threatened by rising sea levels and I have to say, I wasn't terribly impressed.
"They tend to be flat, boring places that are not even improved by a thick slab of melted cheese."
He added: "So we lose Norfolk? BFD. Meanwhile this rack of lamb has been smothered in chopped rosemary and garlic and cooked at 200 degrees centigrade for 45 minutes until it's beautifully pink.
"If you cooked Norfolk for 45 minutes in a hot oven it would become even more boring."
But Jonathan Porritt, a leading environmentalist, said: "More meat means more animals, more deforestation, more methane expulsions and ultimately increased temperatures and rising sea levels.
"All this in exchange for piece of lean Aberdeen Angus fillet, seared on a very hot griddle for just a few seconds on each side and then served with a light, whisky cream sauce and some nice thick cut chips."
He added: "Fuck trees. And fuck Norfolk as well."