SO-CALLED daylight is now just a slightly diluted version of the night, it has been confirmed.
Professor Henry Brubaker of the Institute for Studies said: “There currently is no daylight, just as there is no real day. All we have is different hues of darkness.
“Maybe in March, if we are all still alive by then.”
Shopfitter Wayne Hayes said: “I gave this ‘natural light’ a go by going out at lunchtime and found myself stumbling blindly around until I fell into a skip.
“When I returned to the office I was mercilessly mocked for daring to hope.
“But what would this daylight be good for, anyway? What is there to see outside but rain, dead trees, wet brick, the skeletons of roadkill?”
