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NEW SERIES OF STRICTLY COME DANCING TO BE FILMED AT BOTTOM OF BARREL
News - Celebrity

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One of them may know Christopher Biggins

THE new series of Strictly Come Dancing is to be recorded at the bottom of a large barrel, the BBC confirmed last night

The corporation is currently scrubbing down the inside of the barrel which was found tipped over in its side at a disused gas works on the outskirts of Derby.

But this time next month it will be filled with 16 of the country's most familiar faces that you can't quite put a name to.

This year's Strictly Come Dancers include a teenage singing sensation who is now in her mid-twenties, Christopher Biggins' co-star from On Safari and some guy who plays rugby or possibly snooker.

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DAVID DUCHOVNY HAS HIS CAKE AND SHAGS IT
News - Health

X-FILES star David Duchovny last night became the latest Hollywood star to have sex with countless women and then claim he was not right in the head.

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WE'RE A GIGANTIC COUNTRY FILLED WITH OIL, GAS AND WHEAT, RUSSIA REMINDS EU
News - International

RUSSIA brushed aside the threat of EU sanctions last night, stressing it is a vast country, filled to bursting with absolutely everything it needs.

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TERRIFYING SPIDER TO REDO KITCHEN AND BATHROOM
Animals - Animals headlines

A HUGE and terrifying spider which forced an Essex family from their home is already planning a major programme of refurbishment.

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Opinion

GUEST BLOG: NOEL GALLAGHER

THE Olympics - what the fuck was that all about? Every morning, right, that Scottish bird off the telly would sit on a sofa telling us that we'd won a bronze medal in the women’s catapult and that everyone could now go to work with a big smile on their face - in retrospect I think she somehow mistook me for somebody who gives a fuck.

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News Briefly

15 YEAR-OLDS FORCED TO
WATCH AMAZING GRACE
"Didn't learn much about slavery but Michael Gambon was on top form," says teenage wastrel


MARTIN CLUNES PAID
THOUSANDS TO REMIND
PEOPLE HOW GOOD
LEONARD ROSSITER WAS
"I didn't get where I am today by not wasting licence payers' money on pointless remakes," says BBC arse


SELF-ABSORBED WOMEN
CELEBRATE DIDO COMEBACK
"It's the soundtrack to my topsy-turvy life," says unbearable cow


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