Man-o-war ‘uses tentacles for sleazy groping’

MEN-O-WAR sting swimmers then feel them up with their tentacles, it has been claimed.


As legions of the jellyfish-like organisms head for British shores, scientists have warned that they are essentially perverts.

Professor Henry Brubaker of the Institute for Studies said: “The man-o-war carries a powerful sting that debilitates and panics its victim. Then while they’re thrashing around, it goes for tit.

“Because they’re in such pain, the victim doesn’t even notice they’re being fondled.”

Research by the Institute for Studies found that the creatures’ victims were predominantly attractive, buxom females, begging the question of why men-o-war developed those creepy-looking tentacles.

Professor Brubaker said: “These things are floating scuzzbags whose sole agenda is to cop a feel, the dirty siphonophore devils. They should be ashamed of themselves.”

However man-o-war Bill McKay said: “I’m predominantly a gas-filled bladder and a lot of women find that very attractive.

“Sometimes one thing leads to another, we’re all free creatures in the ocean after all. I’m not here to take advantage of anyone.

“I’m just a very sensual marine cnidarian. Not a jellyfish though, I’d like to stress that as it’s a common misconception.”