Not all of UK is enjoying a heatwave, says Scotland yet again

PEOPLE who live in Scotland have stressed, once again, that the UK is experiencing a partial heatwave.

Bill McKay, from Edinburgh, said: “The sun is out at the moment, but it is not warm.

“And there are quite a few clouds kicking about which can only be described as ‘incredibly Scottish’.

“Oh, there you go, it’s raining.

“Meanwhile there is also a stiff breeze which is really quite chilly. But this is what happens when you live in a country that is next to the North Sea.

“For people in London, the North Sea is a very large body of salt water, underneath which we used to keep our oil.

“Before you bastards nicked it. To put in your fancy fucking cars.

“You certainly don’t seem to need it for heating your ghastly, red-brick houses.

“Anyway, just thought we’d let you know. Enjoy your heatwave, you sunburnt fuckers.”