Environment
Feminism Causes Global Warming, Say Experts
WOMEN who know their place emit less carbon dioxide than uppity madames with so-called careers, it was confirmed last night.
Bastard Water Voles Are Loving It
GLOATING water voles last night said they were loving it as new figures show they are thriving while everyone else is screwed.
Most Mammals Now Bloated And Inefficient, Say Experts
OVER 50% of mammals need to outsource their core functions to a private contractor or face extinction, according to a right-wing biodiversity survey.
Meat-Eaters To Finally Be Treated Like Smokers
MEAT-eaters are, at long last, to be treated like smokers, it has been confirmed.
Arctic To Be Just Lovely
THE Arctic Circle is on course to be really quite lovely by 2019, new research has confirmed.
Tiresome Feminist Hippies Target Increasingly Pointless Oaf
AN oaf who makes no difference to anything was last night targeted by some hippies with no boyfriends.
Dinner Ladies To Be Installed In All UK Homes
FOUL-tempered old women with massively thick limbs are to be installed in British homes in a government move to limit food wastage.
Earth's Future In Hands Of Wilf Lunn
THE Earth can be saved from the damaging effects of climate change with a series of contraptions built by Wilf Lunn, it has been claimed.