Siberian wind will strip away your layers of tawdry self-delusion, says Met Office

A BITING wind from the haunted, barren plains of Siberia will expose the lies you tell yourself, the Met Office has confirmed.

Hornets going to sting anyone who uses them in racist simile

YELLOW-LEGGED hornets have promised to sting anyone who compares them to human immigrants.

Female panda 'just wants to stay friends'

THE UK's giant panda breeding hopes are in tatters after female Tian Tian announced she likes her prospective partner as a friend.

Everything eating everything else

PLANET Earth's eating habits are out of control, it has been confirmed.

Welsh sun-worshippers rend garments

WALES has asked for science to apologise after threats of solar storms were confirmed.

Should we do something about all this water? ask MPs

THERE'S quite a lot water around these days isn't there, according to a committee of MPs.