Sweatiness out of control

BRITONS are sweating like pigs as the weather refuses to make up its mind.

Spring thinks it's too late to start now

SPRING will bypass the UK this year after deciding that to arrive so late would be unbearably awkward.

Will snow lead to better crime dramas?

FREEZING Britons expect the newly-Arctic UK to lead to a spate of compelling crime-based television.

Even little kids want snow to f*ck off now

EVEN small children have run out of patience with the snow, it has emerged.

Humanity virus almost cured, says planet

PLANET Earth is celebrating after a major breakthrough in its battle against the deadly humanity virus.

Lambs disillusioned

MANY of this year's lambs are being born jaded.