THE ball-wrenching tediousness of climate change pundits is worse than previously thought, it has been claimed.
PEOPLE across Britain contacted their local councils yesterday to ask what in the name of fuck has happened to all the grit.
MOTORISTS will be told to make their cars thinner as the government tries to squeeze as many lanes as possible into Britain's motorway network.
POPE Benedict has called for a renewed global effort to cap the level of gay emissions.
HIPPIES were today banging on about petrol again even though we already get it and would just like to go skiing.
A UNITED Nation's plea to reduce meat consumption was rejected last night as millions decided planet Earth was not as good as some nice chops.
MORE than half of all communities in Britain are being terrorised by gangs of global warming scientists, it was claimed last night.
EXPERTS have upgraded their estimates on rising sea levels, predicting they could submerge Ronnie Corbett within a decade.