Disco meteorologists predict heavy downpour of men

IT'S going to start raining men for the first time in history, according to 70s disco meteorologists.

Flood victims battling to keep out sympathetic reporters

HOUSEHOLDERS in the South West are barricading themselves into their waterlogged homes to avoid being patronised.

Britain to probably have some electricity

THERE is a reasonable chance Britain will still have electricity in two year's time, according to the government's long-awaited energy bill.

'Loyal' penguin's 10,000 mile journey includes brothel detour

MAGELLANIC penguins, supposedly nature's most loyal animals, have a whorehouse on their migration route.

Banana-based society sounds fantastic, says everyone

A WORLD in which bananas are the main thing sounds absolutely brilliant, it has been agreed.