Environment

Heartwarming animal friendship turns physical

THE unlikely bond between an injured chick and an orang-utan has evolved into a sexual relationship, it emerged last night.

Fish defeated

FISH are on the brink of surrender, it was confirmed last night.

Shark attacked by British holidaymakers

A GREAT WHITE shark escaped with cuts and bruises after straying into coastal waters full of British drunks.

Britain's skies unprepared for massive volcanic cloud AGAIN

DAVID Cameron has pledged a full-scale inquiry as it emerged that British airspace is unable to deal with an enormous volcanic cloud for the second year in a row.

Trains to have full pony access by 2015

THE shake-up of Britain's rail system is to include a multi-million project to make all trains, stations and platforms pony compliant within four years.

Global warming real again

RECORD spring temperatures across the UK have raised concerns that global warming might be a real thing after all.

Police disturb illegal lake monster fighting gang

CONSTABLES called to a nocturnal disturbance in Windermere found a group of men cheering two battling plesiosaurs, it has emerged.

Government u-turn on workshy trees

THE government has abandoned plans to force trees off benefits and into work.