THE latest edition of the Times Atlas of the World has missed out a huge mass of twats talking shit at each other.
MILLIONAIRE banker Sir David Scholey remains unable to achieve an erect penis despite shooting bullets into a lion, it has emerged.
OTTERS have returned to the UK's riverbanks and it's gonna be off the chain, it has emerged.
DRUNKEN polar bears will be able to get piss-poor pints of Guinness in sub-zero theme pubs after proving their Irishness.
THE unlikely bond between an injured chick and an orang-utan has evolved into a sexual relationship, it emerged last night.
FISH are on the brink of surrender, it was confirmed last night.
A GREAT WHITE shark escaped with cuts and bruises after straying into coastal waters full of British drunks.
DAVID Cameron has pledged a full-scale inquiry as it emerged that British airspace is unable to deal with an enormous volcanic cloud for the second year in a row.