ENERGY for next year's Glastonbury festival will be provided by a troupe of electromagnetic circus performers.
THE dome of St Paul's Cathedral will be able to process up to 30,000 tons of raw sewage a week, the government has confirmed.
DISFIGURED child murderer Freddy Krueger has asked householders to consider the environment or he may have to tear out their spleens, it emerged last night.
THINGS the size of a brick shithouse have been spotted roaming a Bradford housing estate.
AFFLUENT professionals could be forced to use town centre fried chicken outlets as over-population makes Waitrose-style food increasingly scarce.
OIL giant BP has been accused of manipulating an image of a Gulf of Mexico pelican to show the bird giving the 'thumbs-up'.