HUMANOID turtles with weapons skills have become a native species in Britain.
THE spectacled bear arrested at Paddington Station with a suitcase full of preserves has pleaded guilty to smuggling a prohibited substance.
DOGS generally fall out within less than half a minute of befriending each other, it has been claimed.
TURNING the heating on after the summer is as traumatic as losing a reasonably well-liked relative, it has been claimed.
PLASTIC bags are to be printed with lurid sexual imagery in a bid to discourage their use.
WARM weather has helped butterflies complete their life cycle by becoming wasps.
THE high speed rail line between London and Birmingham will boost the economy by an enormous made-up number, it has been confirmed.
WASPS are desperately trying to share their advanced scientific and philosophical knowledge with humans.