Environment

Mild winter brings no moral lesson for lazy grasshopper

BRITAIN'S relatively pleasant winter weather has taught absolutely nothing to an idle grasshopper that ignored the advice of an industrious ant.

Take Me Out contestants shot dead after escape from holding pen

THIRTY-FOUR participants in television rutting event Take Me Out have been killed by ITV rangers after escaping from their secure backstage enclosure.

Energy costs will only rise by £110 as long as it's really, really windy

CLAIMS that Britain's green energy revolution will cost consumers thousands of pounds have been dismissed by people who believe it is going to be windy.

Scientist who discovered secrets of bird erection battling not to have it named after him

THE scientist who discovered how large birds achieve erection has urged his colleagues not to name it after him.

Pandas already drunk

TWO giant pandas were very drunk within 15 minutes of arriving in Scotland, it has emerged.

Frozen Planet 'gave whisky to penguins'

EMPEROR penguins in the hit wildlife series Frozen Planet are given shots of whisky so they act-up for the cameras, it has been claimed.

Bees to be privatised

BRITAIN'S bees are to be privatised in a bid to reverse their decline.

Wasps - in November, says everyone

THERE are still wasps, everyone told everyone else this morning.