Environment

Greenpeace vows to destroy planet

FORMER environmental organisation Greenpeace has pledged to wipe out all animal species then blow up the planet.

Rail companies activate weather machine

PRIVATISED rail companies are using a weather machine to justify their piss-poor service, it has emerged.

Otters just wet cats

CATS and otters are the same animal.

There are no records of temperatures, Met Office admits

THE Met Office has confessed that no weather records have been kept because it seemed like a really boring thing to do.

House spiders must prove they are catching flies

SPIDERS living rent-free in houses must provide evidence that they are actually killing flies.

Humans undecided on total destruction of nature versus having cool stuff

HUMANITY is conflicted over whether it is worth decimating the planet to maintain the supply of desirable consumer goods.

Pony does not really see himself as meat

WILD pony Tom Logan has revealed ambitions other than becoming pie filling.

Earth hates Sting

PLANET Earth has confirmed that it really does not like Sting.