Environment

Most British wildlife now living in abandoned DVD libraries

THE majority of Britain’s hedgehogs, moles and hares have made homes in derelict DVD libraries.

Slugs teleport into houses

SLUGS get into kitchens by teleporting, it has emerged.

Water voles propose new food chain

ENDANGERED water voles have designed a revised food chain where nothing eats them.

Geese think they are hard

GEESE are inexplicably convinced that they are hard as nails, it has emerged.

Antagonists claim to prefer the weather like this

DELIBERATELY antagonistic people are claiming to prefer the wet weather just to provoke arguments.

4x4 drivers demand worse roads

DRIVERS of 4x4 offroad vehicles are campaigning for more challenging roads with rubble and other hazards.

Face paint threatens Amazon ecosystem

MILLIONS of gallons of face paint washed off in the wake of Brazil’s humiliating defeat have turned the nation’s rivers turquoise.

Shameless cat won't catch mice but expects YOU to feed him

TOMCAT Roy Hobbs says he can't be bothered to catch mice, preferring to eat shitloads of Go-Cat.