Environment

Woman treats weather app like some kind of tribal god that cannot be questioned

A WOMAN reads out the predictions of her weather app like a shaman receiving messages from an ancient god, it has emerged.

Butterflies and bees thank Muhammad Ali for the compliment

BUTTERFLY and bee populations have paid tribute to Muhammad Ali and thanked him for his gracious compliment.

But it was raining here, say perplexed Londoners

LONDONERS are struggling to understand claims that Britain enjoyed a day of wonderful sunshine yesterday when they did not.

Gorillas wearily accept that humans are just not that evolved

GORILLAS have confirmed they will continue to patiently tolerate the less evolved human species.

North Yorkshire to be burned for fuel

NORTH Yorkshire is to be set on fire so the rest of the UK can have a hot bath.

Cat to continue sitting in window like he owns the f**king street

A CAT has announced plans to continue sitting in the front window of a house, watching over everything like Stalin in communist Russia.

Dog ready to take relationship with cushion to next level

A DOG has confirmed that he is ready to take his growing relationship with a cushion to a more physical level.

Huge fly announces plan for brief and confused visit to living room

A HUGE fly has announced plans to fly into living rooms in a fast and confused fashion before desperately trying to find his way out again.