Environment

All New Homes To Smell Of Toffee And Urine

ALL new homes will be made from boiled sweets and smell of piss and chopped pork, to ensure they are suitable for the elderly, the government said last night. 

Insurers Refuse To Cover Houses Made From Meringue

BRITISH insurance companies could scupper the government's house building plans after refusing to cover homes made from beaten egg whites.

Global Warming To Bring Cannibalism To South East

CLIMATE change will transform the south east of England into a steaming jungle filled with giant snakes and marauding tribes of blood-thirsty cannibals, scientists have predicted.

UK's Love Of Dishwashers Outweighs Fear Of Cancer

BRITAIN is to build a new generation of nuclear power stations after consumers said their love of dishwashers outweighed their fear of cancer and four-headed babies. 

World Smells Better Than At Any Time Since 1850

THIS year has been the best smelling since global smell records began, the United Nations confirmed last night. 

UK Launches Crackdown On Foreign Wind

THE government has unveiled ambitious plans to end Britain's dependence on foreign wind by 2020.

Brown Orders Nation To Bottle Farts

GORDON Brown has escalated the war on climate change after branding the plastic bag, 'the carrier of choice' for Al Qaeda and paedophiles.

Most Willing To Lie About Green Lifestyle Changes

MOST people are ready to tell enormous lies about the personal sacrifices they will make to halt climate change, the latest Daily Mash poll reveals.